I realised when I find things are going too smoothly, I have an inner desire to hurt myself.
I push people away, make myself depressed, sometimes numb my emotions and bite/tear at my skin.
It is as if it is only then I can feel a little bit more connected to this world.
My mother was right, there is always a hint of sadness in my "attempted poetries". Even when I try to write a happy one.
Deep down, I honestly do believe that I do not deserve to be happy.
I question everything that has gone right.
I am sorry.
8 comments:
>.< Are you ok, Sue-Anne? *hugs*
Not deserving to be happy is not a reason not to be happy.
Like gifts. Let's say your friend buys you some ice cream. Now you didn't do anything to deserve it. But your friend just wanted you to have it. So just enjoy it and eat it.
The world has us believe that everything have a cause. Cause and effect. Why must it be?
Don't think so much. And enjoy life as it comes.
I am ok, Yong. Thanks *hugs* just that I have hurt someone's feelings.
You're right, Jo. It is just this innate instinct of mine that questions it all. Then, when I can't figure it out, I push. Anyways, thanks. I really need to grow up.
hey hey your your blog title scared me. i opened up my blog page and it was like *WHAM* >.<
look i don't believe anyone can be entirely secure in their 'happiness' (notice the quotation marks!) there's just no such thing as being 'perfect', and i do think that it's our insecurities/depression that make whatever seemed to go right all the more precious.
listen to stephen fry:
"I am perhaps happier now than I have ever been and yet I cannot but recognise that I would trade all that I am to be you, the eternally unhappy, nervous, wild, wondering and despairing 16-year-old Stephen: angry, angst-ridden and awkward but alive. Because you know how to feel, and knowing how to feel is more important than how you feel. Deadness of soul is the only unpardonable crime, and if there is one thing happiness can do it is mask deadness of soul."
AMEN to Fry!
we shall gather and laugh lots (as we do), then ponder our right to laugh, then get mopey and sad about that, and thereafter amused at our mopeyness, and the cycle resumes..... :D
hahaha!
thanks, gals.
:)
Even Disney doesn't attempt to make things entirely happy :)
Please don't think you have to make deals and bargains with happiness!!
hehehe! that's true. I shan't. thanks gal
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